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Brain Aneurysms: All You Need Is Love
I was reminded the other day that it was the two year anniversary of me being taken into MK General with searing headaches.
At the time, I blogged that I thought I'd received pretty good treatment from the hospital, but just a month later, I was being carted off to Oxford John Radcliffe Neurosciences for life-saving brain surgery.
A number of friends have mentioned about me suing MK General because they missed my brain aneurysm which eventually led to my left eye being irreparably damaged as well as, of course, having to suffer another month of pure, unadulterated pain.
Although a payout would be a nice thing for anyone who went through something like that, depleting an already overstretched NHS budget could mean that someone else with a life-threatening illness may not get the treatment they need. It's cause and effect, see?
"I don't think litigation would score me any points with my friend Karma!"
So, I feel it's best to let it be and just move on. Besides, the sterling treatment I got in Oxford certainly made up for the substandard care at MK General! They saved my life after all.
Although the physical pain of the Summer of 2012 faded quickly, the memories, emotions and trauma from that time have taken a lot longer to resolve. It's only now, a full two years on, that I feel I am healed inside thanks to the support of my family, close friends and my beloved clients, the Sblogerati.
Thankfully, my clients didn't suffer the regular, sudden eruptions of anguish and sobbing that my close friends did and my psychotherapist took the brunt of my endless questions and circular conversations whilst I tried to understand what had happened to me.
She eventually handed me a book and said "Steffi, read this before our next session", which I did; twice! It explained an awful lot and brought me to the first stages of clarity. My research continues to this day.
However, what my clients did do at that time, was give me the utmost loyalty by allowing me the space I needed to get back in the big chair and restart what was essentially a dead company.
It hasn't been an easy road though. I had to make lots of sacrifices to keep the company going during my recovery. I did lose my entire prospect list and with it, some potentially lucrative deals.
It took me until the start of 2013 before I felt strong enough to get out there making sales again. Before that it was about showing the business community, friends and clients alike, that I was still alive and functioning!
And financially, that caused a huge strain on me, though when you're in survival mode like that, be it personally or business-wise, whatever assets you have to sell, get sold!
Yes, I miss my beautiful motorbike, my flashy red Mazda and the super expensive cameras that I used in Los Angeles. There were times my beloved cats got fed and I went hungry. Eventually, I had to give up my house and live with my kitties in a friend's spare bedroom for six months. For a while, I didn't have transport until another friend gave me her old car when she upgraded.
This isn't a 'boohoo, woe is me, take pity on me' story. I write this to illustrate a point. Nearly dying changes you; it re-aligns your values. What was important to me before seemed insignificant afterwards. Material things became a burden and all that mattered to me was that I kept my company going ... it was the only way I could keep going.
"I'm proud that I did what was needed to keep my business going; I saved sblogit.com and in turn, sblogit.com saved me!"
And now it's two years later and my business is going from strength to strength and I'll soon be widening my company's focus to include web design, copywriting, social media and photography, but still with the powerful sblogit.com blogging machine at its core.
In my personal world, I've retreated from my social life in favour of more tranquil pursuits such as gardening. When you're sitting on a sunny lawn, listening to a happy blackbird and stringing up sweet peas, those monsters that lurk in the pit of your psyche simply can't hurt you and eventually, they just dissolve.
It's been an interesting journey. Yes, I've lost friends along the way, but I've gained so many more. People who meant the world to me now walk past me in the street without so much as a glance, but others I used to know as acquaintances have stepped up and become true and loyal friends.
Loyalty has always meant a lot to me; even more so, now. It's closely tied in with love which is a core value in my world and the driving force behind everything I do. My family, friends and clients have all shown me plenty of loyalty during my time of recovery and I will always love them for it.
Thank you ... you all know who you are :)
Love, light and logic ...
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About Steffi Lewis ...